If having a
child is the greatest joy a mother could ever hope to experience, a second
child means double the happiness, right?
While arrival of
your second baby should be a total thrill to you
and your first child, you need to be prepared for the near future as sibling
relationships are often incredibly delicate. Even if your children seem to
“click” at an instant, there’s no doubt that somewhere down the line a sense of rivalry may develop; likewise,
brothers and sisters alike tend to get a bit rowdy from time to time.
It's difficult
to deny the massive pressure on new mothers in regard to how they treat both siblings as the decisions made in
adolescence can carry over into adulthood. Given that a mere 33% of siblings consider themselves “close” as adults, what
can you do to help encourage a
healthy relationship between your children from the start?
Consider the
following six strategies, each of which represent
subtle parenting tips that may have a long-term positive impact on how your
children treat each other.
Give Them Their Space
Although your sibling
pair may be inseparable at times, it's crucial to give them their space and
encourage them to spend some time apart. While it's common for siblings to
share bedrooms and sometimes even co-sleep at very young ages, eventually
you're going to want to invest in some new kids furniture
to give them their own spaces when they're old enough (think: around the age of
six or seven).
When your kids are
constantly cooped up together, they're more likely to lash out. On the flip
side, providing them with their own space allows for...
·
Opportunities
to explore their own personality and interests
·
Quiet
time to reflect without being interrupted by their brother or sister
· Chances to learn a
sense self-reliance
Act As a Mediator
It's not your
job as a parent to prevent every single fight, but rather be supportive to both siblings when scuffles occur. Remember, you're their mother, not
a superhero. By acting as a mediator, you let your kids sort out their problems
themselves versus always dictating behavioral expectations.
Don't Constantly Compare
Them
Don't expect
your children to have the exact same interests, personality traits and talents.
Sibling rivalries often stem from a sense of competition: when you constantly
compare your kids, you essentially become the root of the problem. Accept your
children for who they are and nurture them accordingly.
Divide Your Time Equally
Make sure to
spend equal time with both of your children, which is a two-way street of
positivity. On one hand, you get to know your children better on a personal
level. On the flip side, you allow your children time away from their sibling
so they can grow into their own personality.
Never Play Favorites
No parent wants
to ever admit to playing favorites, but it inevitably happens. While most parents
would never do so intentionally, your child’s perception of you favoring their
brother or sister over themselves can have long-term negative effects on their psyche. As a result,
strive to provide your children with equal treatment in terms of both
punishment and praise.
Maintain Realistic
Expectations
Let's face it:
your children are going to fight and argue at times. There's no avoiding it.
Don't less the stress of siblings distract you from the joys of
raising you children. Instead, show your supportive side and embrace a bit of
turmoil the madness along the way.
Realistically,
you can't stop every tantrum and tug-of-war match, but you can offer your support. As long as you try your best and stay
involved in your kids' lives, you'll be just fine.
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