Monday, March 29, 2010

Can't Wait To Start This New Chapter...



My mom is an obsessive compulsive hoarder. YES just like the t.v. show on A&E. I haven't been to her house in 3 years. Well Jon had an appointment today north of her house, and we stopped by on our way home. She wasn't there... I saw her house and started crying. It's 10 times worse than when I was forced to move out, because it wasn't fit living conditions for a child. 

It used to just be the inside, but now there was stuff on the outside as well. A chest of drawers on her front porch, tables leaning up against her tree. I want more than anything to take Avery over there and let her stay with grandma... I can't do that. There's no place to walk in her house.

I called her tonight to tell her that until she gets help I can no longer speak to her. I know that sounds harsh, but I absolutely can not keep trying. I always try and help her, I tell her how to get help and what to do, but It's never been enough. So I threatened Myself and my daughter today on her. She can no longer call OR see us until she proves that she's receiving help and cleaning up her house. It HURTS me to see her house like that... I can't believe how much it hurts me.

I feel free of this burden and feel like 100 pounds has been lifted from my shoulders. I can't wait to see if she actually gets help, but she probably won't. I even pushed her in the right direction and told her what she needed to do and who she needed to see. 

Thankfully Jon has his master's degree in Psychology and he has told me that I've done the right thing. He DID NOT hinder my decision in any way. This was all me! I can't wait to start this new burden free chapter in my life and I KNOW that she will probably never get the help. So I feel Mother Free now and I actually feel good about it. I love my mother, but I just couldn't do this anymore.

10 comments:


Gina F said...

Heather so sorry to hear what your going through with your mom. Are you the only child? Why is your mother living like that? Is your father around or is she just lonely? SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM. You have to do what's right for you and Avery now. Good Luck With Your Mom.


Jenn @ Beautiful Calling said...

Oh, how tragic. As much as you love your mother though, your responsibility is certainly to yourself and your little one. You are right to make decisions based on that.
I'll keep your family in our prayers.


Amy Brown said...

That was incredibly brave of you. I really hope your mom gets help and things improve for you both.


Dee said...

That must have been such a hard thing to do, but you did what you needed to for you and your daughter. I hope she gets the help she needs soon.


Heather M said...

Thank you all!
Gina, My parents divorced when I was 8 ('98) and this is when the serious hoarding started. I have a brother 7 years older than me. He just turned 27 and up until a couple weeks ago was still living at home with mommy.
Jenn, Thank you! We're not religious, but I really appreciate it.
Amy, Thank you so much! I'm hoping I made the right choice.
Dee, It was very hard, and I'm hoping I did the right thing for us. Thanks!
A lot has happened in my life with my mom so we never really had the mother/daughter bond and this was easier for me than most children I think. But it was still very hard. After I hung up the phone I bawled. Not because I care that much, but because it just hurts me, and I know she'll probably never change. I'm hoping this is the kick in the a** she needed!

Thing that really stinks is on Saturday we're going to my cousin's house for Easter and I don't want Avery to see my mom. But I can't keep them separate. I think I'll try and keep them separate, but if Avery really wants to see Grandma, I think I'll let her. It's going to be hard, but it needs to be done


ZESTYWONDERLAND said...

You are So doing that the right thing.
Sad thing is if your brother still lives there~then he probally has the hoardering addiction as well.
I have seen many of the show where the grandparent could not see the grand kids! They just do not understand the health risk.
One show the lady got help & it was wonderful to see her house clean & get to visit with her family in her home again.

Have you tried to contact the show?

Without getting help you MOM & brother will have many health problems.
Sooner or later the City will step in & give them no choice but to clean up Or get out.

Thank God your DH is such a wonderful support for you.
Bottom line is you have to say~I love you but hate your junk & will NOT be a part of this.
You are protecting your child from harm by not leting your child go over there!
That's what any GOOD mom would do!


Heather M said...

Thank you Zesty. My brother was still living there as of a couple weeks ago. Now he's living with his girlfriend in the next state over.
I'm hoping the city does step in. She owns her home, there is NO WAY she could afford to move out right now. She has way too much credit card debt and wouldn't even get a loan.


ZESTYWONDERLAND said...

If the people living next to her files a complaint~the city will check it out.
They will then give her 30 days to clean up or they will condem her home.
Then she would either be committed for mental illness or place in an assisted living center.
You are in my prayers.


Heather M said...

The neighbors live too far away. They wouldn't complain. They've been there 4 years now and we have never even met them. I couldn't contact them and have them complain even if I wanted to.


Anonymous said...

Happy Easter, Heather. I spoke with your mom briefly yesterday; we were going to try to meet in Lake Orion so I could see Jax, but that didn't work out. I didn't tell her about your blog, but she volunteered the latest on your relationship. It's all very sad. I offered to come out again and clean her house, but she would need to agree to let me pitch stuff into the garbage or a garage sale. She said she might call me on that offer. I told her that if seeing her granddaugter depends on cleaning up her act, that the crap needs to go. That seems like a no brainer to me. Funny thing is that she acknowledges the problem and she knows the way she is living is not acceptable and that it's not normal. Anyway, we'll see. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

You're doing the right thing.

Are you keeping in touch with Jason and your dad?

Love,
Aunt Donna